The Rise and the Fall of the 'Girlfriend theory'
by Atheniandream
Summary: The Rise and the Fall of the 'Girlfriend theory', simple as that...


Title: The Rise and the Fall of the 'Girlfriend theory'  
Author: atheniandream/Jawbreakerchick/Paisleychick, my alter egos :)  
Email: atheniandream@aol.com  
Content Warnings: Thoughts f the Colonel kind, Major Fluff, Humor, well what I call humor.  
Pairings: Sam/Jack, surprised much?  
Spoilers: Season seven none.  
Season: Seven  
Rating: I'm really not sure. P-g???  
Summary: The Rise and the Fall of the 'Girlfriend theory', as simple as the title.  
Author's notes:   
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of   
Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA,  
Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is   
for entertainment purposes only and no money  
exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original   
characters, situations, and story are the property  
of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the   
consent of the author.  
  
  
The Rise and the Fall of the 'Girlfriend theory'  
  
I'm getting old.  
My back gave up living a decade ago, and now my knees hope to spend there endless days in the warm reserve and confines of a 1st class coffin.  
I think that my consciousness is the only thing holding on.  
Not my brain, just my consciousness,  
that and my left eyebrow, which seems to be in better shape than the right one.  
Not that I stare at eyebrows.  
My left numb has arthritis in it, despite the fact that I am ONLY 52.  
52 and a half.  
Well fine.   
52, 11 months and 17 and quarter days.  
But I'm not counting.  
I have a girlfriend.  
Who for the sake of colourful obviousness will not be named.  
As well as relevance.  
She is however, quite a bit younger than me.  
When she was 15, I'd just had my 32nd birthday, and lets just leave the matter there.  
It doesn't matter.  
And even if it did, which it most certainly does not,   
She should be embarrassed,   
And I should be ashamed.  
But we're both Adults, right?  
Well most of the time.  
You could say that our relationship isn't exactly normal, or regular.  
She's about the sexiest 'thing' ever to carry a gun....and wear a bra.  
And well, I've tried on her bra, and she looks way better in it than me.  
Although, neither of us are a touch off of Teal'c in one.  
A sight to be seen, most would say. Especially if it's candy pink, with lace and *all* of the trimmings.  
Now we don't work regular jobs, so we don't really have the time to abide by any stereotypes, and when we DO have time  
I complying with most albeit all of her requests.  
Don't you just hate those women?  
The answer, from a smart guy, would be no.  
NO, Sir.  
An for anyone asking a guy whose going out with their Second in Command if during 'Something absolutely non-sexual' (A Yea, whatever from the writer) she has ever uttered the words "Yes Sir, UH! Yes SIR!"  
The answer,   
would be   
NO, Sir.  
Other than *that* one time, and I made sure she was very sorry for doing that..........  
So, where were we?  
Uh.  
The Girlfriend Theory.  
I have the undeniable proof that Major Samantha Carter defies all proof that she is my Girlfriend.  
She made me write it out.  
"I Colonel Jack O'Neill of the USAF, here by agree that under no circumstances is Major Samantha my GIRLFRIEND. Please sign below."  
And it's being kept somewhere as far away from Cheyenne as we could get.  
I think as a sick joke, it was place behind one of my certificates in my office.  
I think that it's still there, actually.  
She doesn't clean my house, or cook dinner.  
She doesn't offer to make me breakfast in the morning.  
She not a cast iron bitch, though.  
She's just not a ********** of the conventional kind.  
She doesn't nurse me when I have the flu.  
She doesn't demand that we watch chick flicks and 'girly programs' on TV  
She doesn't expect me to open the car door for her.  
She'd probably beat my ass if I did, either that, or be thoroughly insulted.  
She doesn't ask me to move in with her, or keep something in every room of the house, just so don't' forget her.  
Because I couldn't, and she knows that.  
But she does let me know when I'm pissing her off, and every now and leaves her bra hanging limply on top of my   
washing machine, with a message on it saying:  
  
Jack,   
Please wash this,  
And don't try it on,   
I know when you do, trust me!  
Love Carter XXX  
  
And she lets me kiss her and hold hands in public places away from Colorado  
And sometimes, she lets my hold her gun, but never lets me water her plants.  
  
Unconventional see.  
Blasts Jonas' 'Girlfriend Theory' straight out of the water,  
  
And that's why I hold unprofessional feelings for her because "Oh, she's my-"  
"Dont' Say it!!"  
That ten-letter word,   
The only one that's not a swear word, but that I'm still not aloud to say.  
"Gwuurfwend." It comes out muffled through her hand.  
  
"Uh, his very good friend, hi." She answers for me.  
Very unconventional.  
  
Pwease feed me, I admit I'm feeling insecure about my fic at the moment, no muse, no brain,   
You get the gist...... :)  
  
Athena  
  
"I write fic.........People say that their glad it's not my day job." 


End file.
